Saturday, December 03, 2005

TSA Approves In-flight Party Favors

It can be said that TSA has had a lot of bad press over the last couple of years. TSA is determined to make amends to the travelers they service in airports across the country. What better way than to provide party favors for those who have been flying the not-so-friendly skies since 9-11?

Slammed by the media and decried by the public for having a system in place that is poorly operated with less than efficient staff creating long lines and security checks that offend grannies who don't care for corset checks, TSA has ramped up a new plan to make flying fun for those that pass through their checkpoints. After intense scrutiny of customer surveys and flash polls of those standing in line, the PR people at TSA have determined that travelers biggest complaint are that they are bored.

What better way to promote good relations than to provide party favors like these pictured here to those boarding planes? It is a proven scientific fact that bored people are given to flights of fantasy, which lead to ideas of doom and gloom ("the plane is falling", "that man looks like a terrorist", "is that a crack in the window?", etc., etc.), if not redirected with constructive projects to busy those wandering minds. On Dec. 22, TSA will have barrels full of scissors, screw-drivers, wrenches, and the like for the passengers to choose from to entertain themselves while on their flight (these party favors were also determined by the results of the feedback received during the flash polls). Depending on which party favor is chosen, accompanying work project plans will be provided to give fliers a new way to busy themselves during those flights that do not show movies and peanuts only are provided.

Examples of the new boredom breakers are:

Scissors which will be accompanied by a pamphlet containing instructions on how to cut out paper people with realistic wounds. (A great stress reliever!)

Screwdrivers have a wonderful project provided with them on "how to dismantle the arms on the seats around you" (this was the number one choice of the heavy bottom fliers polled).

Wrenches will be a hit for those fliers with some athletic ability and long legs. A disclaimer that users must have good upper body strength with the ability to demonstrate full range of motion in both wrist and arm in tight places will accompany this party favor. These physical attributes will be necessary to be able to successfully complete the project of unbolting the rear floor fastener of the seats in the row in front of the user to provide a more comfortable and roomy flight.

Each party favor is guaranteed to provide the recipient with a way to occupy their flying time. Although, pamphlets are provided to give those with - shall we say, a less creative soul? - ideas on how to entertain themselves, there is no restrictions by TSA to let those with visionary imaginations engage in projects of their own creation during flight. TSA's motto is "The sky is the limit - let your imagination soar!". With this in mind, TSA promises that other party favors will become available as the public polls demand them. TSA is very pleased to provide this small way to entertain those that they serve.

This post has been promoted at these sites:
Conservative Cat
Stuck On Stupid
The Uncooperative Blogger
The Political Teen
Don Surber After Hours
Stop the ACLU (thanks Jay for noticing my lack of pc skills)

A special thanks to Basil for stopping by. Go see him (and take a good story to leave with him and his readers when you do).

You are invited to advertise your stories daily (no limits), but please read my rules. Find my rules here for submitting your piece. Thanks for sharing!

Weekend party participants are:
Stuck On Stupid with Grandma Hoists Baby Jesus (RLOF - Truth IS stranger and funnier than fiction).
Stuck On Stupid with From A Paperclip And Beyond Link Fest (puleezz go add your post here this weekend)
The Florida Masochist with Walmart shooting itself in the foot (Racism or stupidity is the question, Holmes...)
The Florida Masochist with Something I meant to share (disaster strikes and neighbors become REAL neighbors)
Zoli's Blog with Scissors on Fligthts???? TSA Nonsense (Zoli has a very good list of what party favors people are inclined to in this piece - the numbers of which will astound you)
The Uncooperative Blogger with The Kelsey Briggs Story (how the system failed to protect a soldier's child)
Naperville Cultural Center News with Not Just Another Pretty Snowflake (take a trip down memory lane to see traditional Christmas handmade decorations by a master).
The Florida Masochist with The Knucklehead of the Day award (this one goes beyond knucklehead...).

I will post it here (to give credit to you) as soon as my schedule permits.

posted by Is It Just Me? at 4:35 AM