Tuesday, April 04, 2006

"Holy Cow, Batman" War Games

Just when credibility becomes stretched to the limit Iran's Revolutionary Guard proudly boasts yet another technological wonder they have tested during their Holy Prophet War Games. With the blessings of Allah, proving their ability to create modern war toys that would put Batman and James Bond to shame, the Guard has humbly allowed the Hoot (it means whale) torpedo declared to be the fastest torpedo on earth to be glimpsed upon Iran state TV. What a whale of a story (and a hoot to boot) this new flying boat that was tested is for ratings on the state run television network. As the story goes, Jihad looms even closer to reality when you have a boat that flies AND can evade radar.

What's next for the Guard you ask? Try this revolutionary idea - just as the week will end they will announce the world's largest underwater safe-haven (codename ARC) that would have Noah green with envy. Designed especially for every Koran carrying male fanatic seeking eternal glory, the ARC will comfortably hold those male extremists seeking a taste of heaven here on earth. The ARC will be outfitted with virgins (as hostesses with the mostesses) to make their stay while preparing for jihad comfortable. (This may seem like a drawback as only two virgins per passenger will be onboard - but what can one expect when you are still alive?).

Passengers will have the opportunity to cleanse themselves of mind, soul, and body (in preparation for their personal contribution to jihad) in the plush surroundings of the ARC which will feature king-size beds with satin sheets (no real virgins will be available for the bedroom, but inflatable virgin dolls are an extra free feature - all are disposable one time use only), soothing aquatic whale sounds that are audio-enhanced to resemble the call to prayer, and chefs that will prepare the finest last meals these jihadists in training can receive. The ARC is not only the largest underwater construction in the world, but also boasts the ability to evade sonar, heat, noise, radar detection, AND is INVISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE. Capable of independent movement through its nuclear powered fuel source, the ARC has the ability to rise to the surface of the sea from it's position upon the seafloor and has docking stations for the new flying boat to safely transfer passengers from locals all over the world. This service is free to all passengers (the State of Iran, through it's oil production and weapons supply to the anti-Western countries of the world, has graciously underwritten the price of admission).

(My apologies to the Revolutionary Guard for announcing this before you, but divine inspiration has led me to believe that the world will never believe the ARC story - unless it is revealed by an infidel.)

Thanks to Conservative Cat

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posted by Is It Just Me? at 8:24 AM