Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It's A Jungle Out There...

(News headlines today have led me to wonder whether the genetic makeup mankind shares with the monkeys has created the jungle in which we live, filled with the shrieks and hooting, fang barring and chest beating that accompanies the fight to dominance for the top limb on the tree).

News Flash: Republicans Like Roberts

So that's a news flash? Why shouldn't they? Evidently, this Post writer must have had a coconut dropped on the head to think this was something that the rest of us hanging out on the limb weren't aware of... But to make sure during the battle of will and will nots going on today was taken seriously by the rest of the lower orders, the king gorilla (a.k.a Ted Kennedy) beat his chest for 15 of his allotted 20 minutes questioning Judge Roberts, posturing and barring his fangs for the world to see. Fortunately for all of us, size does not make might (or right), in this politicized feeding frenzy that should be limited to questions of constitutionality and the ability to competently interpret it, as was proven by Roberts who calmly peeled Kennedy's banana and ate it with apparent relish. Of course the Republicans were hooting over Roberts success. Name anyone that doesn't jump up and do back flips when King Kong gets toppled?

Judge: Pledge unconstitutional

Some more monkey antics... Thou shalt not say the word God in the presence of those still clinging to their mother and fathers back. At least not when the troop is together learning how to dig for insects or the proper way to hoot or thump chests. Some monkeys think it is not proper to talk about things that aren't accepted by all, especially around those young ones that have minds the size of a peanut. Those monkeys who feel this way are SWEARING by it that this is the best way for all to learn to make their own decisions in life about things. At least they can swear on something... It makes dying a lot less traumatic (doesn't it???) for those who feel this way, as they can just leave the carcass of the dead where they drop and forget about all that business of a proper send off to the big rain forest in the sky. And with nothing to stimulate those peanut size brains it makes it even easier to get on with life (collecting bananas and surviving) instead of having, for instance, a walnut sized brain that would leave memories of the chimp who died to hinder self preservation with useless brain matter dedicated to something other than the here and now. What monkey in their right mind would want to evolve in that direction? Obviously it would lead to extinction, if monkeys actually believed in anything that frivolous. Can't have that you know, survival of the fittest and all...

Illustrating the Absurd: Nobody does it better than the ACLU
(written by Nedd Kareiva)

Speaking of survival of the fittest, if you see monkeys dressed up in funny looking costumes with tin cups begging - ignore them. These monkeys will do anything to try to make you feel sorry for them to change the natural order of things. Such as those monkeys who like to argue the natural order and sue on the behalf of monkeys who have been dropped on their heads from high tree limbs and want to blame their unhappiness and screwed up heads on the rest of the world.

(To find out more about just how screwed up some monkeys heads really are please visit Stop the ACLU where natural order rules and those with peanut sized brains are routinely pelted with banana peels).

posted by Is It Just Me? at 2:46 PM